EXCLUSIVE: SARAH PALIN’S REACTION TO LOSS

“Gosh darn it,  does this mean I have to go back to Alaska with Joe Sixpack? Gee whiz! I guess the next time I see old Vladimir Putin from my back porch, I’ll just wave and say “Lucky for you fella”.  And I’ll be lookin’ to read articles about the election in all my favorite newspapers and magazines tomorrow. Publications like, uh,…….like….gosh darn it!”

HEY YA’LL, IT’S JOE REDNECK!

Hey there people, this here’s Joe Redneck speakin’.  Well, I’ll tell ya’ll straight out I voted for McCain in the election.  The reason is because them damn Democrats are all liberals, at least that’s what Rush Limbaugh and Fox news say.  And if those guys say it, it must be true.  I don’t know a lot about liberals except that they want to raise my taxes.  Hell, I’d rather have my tax dollars go to blowin’ up them damn middle easterners than payin’ for some lazy bum’s health insurance, or some dumb kid’s education.  Stupid liberals.  Look at me, I ain’t got no health insurance, and I never went to no college,  and I ain’t complainin’!  And I’ve voted Republican my whole life!  Plus all them damn liberals come from either the West coast or the East coast, so you know they’re up to no good.  The pastor at my church says they’re all possessed by demons anyway. That’s why I voted for Bush both times.  Yeah, he might have friends that are in big business and oil and all that, but he’s from Texas, and that makes him one of us.  And John McCain was a soldier.  He knows how important carryin’ a gun is.  That Sarah Palin sure can shoot an assault rifle! wooey!  When I saw her shootin’ that gun I knew McCain had picked the best person for the job right there.  I didn’t need to hear no more about none of them sissy issues and junk like that.  That sealed my vote!  To be honest, the idea of that other guy bein’ president just ain’t right.  He looks like a foreigner, and has a foreign name.  That just ain’t right.  Plus, Bill O’Reilly says he’s a dangerous liberal.  That’s good enough for me.  I don’t watch any other news channel but Fox because them other guys confuse me with all that liberal talk about stuff I don’t know nothin’ about like health care, social security, and the economy.  All I wanna know is which guy’s gonna kill all them damn foreigners, won’t take my money (at least not to help lazy people anyway), and will drill for enough oil so I can fill up my extended cab pick up.  And that’s John McCain.  Them Democrats are out to destroy the country anyway.  Sure, half the people in my neighborhood are laid off, and most of ‘em are losing their homes, and the factories around here have all closed and moved overseas, and gas is so high I can’t afford to go huntin’ no more,  and my nephew got killed over in Irag,  and I think I might get laid off here too before long , and my daughter’s boy can’t get no more treatment ’cause they cut funding for the medical center, and she’s about to go bankrupt,  but hey, if them damn liberals get in they’ll ruin everything.  That’s what Rush Limbaugh says anyway.  And if Rush says it, it must be true.

MCCAIN AND DUBYUH, A TENDER MOMENT

BILL “BOZO” O’REILLY STRIKES AGAIN!

We here at The Scorpion’s Tail could’ve sworn we had seen a copy of this book at a bookstore somewhere.  This book appears to be much more autobiographical than his first effort, “Culture Warrior”, hence the title.  Actually,  a more appropriate title would be  “Mentally unbalanced, twisted, lying, piece of crap”,  but hey,  you can’t have everything.

SO THAT’S WHERE REPUBLICANS COME FROM!

Rare photograph showing the birthing of baby Republicans at an undisclosed maternity ward, probably somewhere in Texas.  Legend has it the two pieces of Republican crap being born in this picture are actually Sean “The Idiot” Hannity and Glenn “Blank Eyes” Beck.

FORGET GLOBAL WARMING!

DUBYUH COMES CLEAN

History was made today as George W. Bush spoke the first truthful words of his life!  Not surpising,  conservatives think it’s a left wing conspiracy.