So what is the cause of this seeming obsession that people today have with the word “like”?   Well, in the 1980′s, the popularization of  excessively using the word “like”  probably started with the Valley Girl culture in Southern California,  and the subsequent teen movie that was made about it.   Anyone who was young in the 80s remembers the phrases “gag me with a spoon”, and “fur sure”.   One aspect of Valley Girl lingo was using the word “like” repetitively in a sentence.   There is an old adage in sociology that what usually starts as an urban fad or trend eventually becomes a full-blown part of mainstream culture.   Somehow,  the process of being unable to communicate a complete thought without interjecting the word “like” between almost every other word has actually become acceptable.

Okay, eh hem,… I’m learning to communicate in the modern era:   Like,  I really enjoy, like, blogging.  Like, it’s a great, like, outlet, like, for anyone who is, like, creative, or just wants to, like,  share their thoughts and, like, ideas.

Like, thanks for, like, reading……like!

I work in a unique industry where I come in contact with many different  people on a daily basis, and due to the nature of the business, political views usually get expressed.   This being the case,  I have become somewhat adept at identifying a person’s political affiliation before they even verbally reveal it,  just from their appearance.   Now admittedly, this is a generality, but overall it seems to hold true.

HOW TO SPOT A REPUBLICAN

What does a Republican look and sound like?   Hmmm, well,  this can be broken into two separate categories:  younger Republicans, and older Republicans.   They both share the same ideology, and there are very similar physical traits, but with slight variances.

A)  OLDER REPUBLICANS.   This is someone, male or female,  middle-aged to elderly.   Generally, this person looks and sounds a bit cranky all of the time.  Where males are concerned, they are usually military veterans, and look as though a broomstick was stuck up their butt and never removed.   They give off a “I don’t trust ANYBODY” vibe, and usually have barbed wire voices that have a distinctive sour tone.  It’s always very obvious that this person has NEVER been “cool”, nor has any knowledge of, or interest in being cool whatsoever!   Nope, they believe everyone should be a cranky old distrustful turd like them, and anyone who isn’t simply  MUST be a dreaded liberal socialist  Democrat.  For the females, it’s basically the same thing, except they have boobs, which they are usually ashamed of.   Older Republican females give off a submissive vibe,  being trained from birth to yield authority to the dominant Republican male of the household.  After all,  it’s what the Bible teaches.

B) YOUNGER REPUBLICANS.   Male or female, younger Republicans come across as more self-assured, and less distrusting than their older counterparts.  They have a ” screwing someone over is the natural way of things” air about them.  They’ve determined that all of their enemies, (i.e. evil liberals) will all soon be destroyed, and they will inherit the earth.  They suffer from a false sense of security that many times leads them to recklessly blurt out their most narrow-minded conservative viewpoints with the assumption that everyone will automatically agree with them!  Isn’t everyone a conservative Republican??   They are somewhat harder to spot than older Republicans because they appear to blend in with a more contemporary appearance and demeanor, but make no mistake, they can be identified.  All Republicans, I repeat ALL,  young or old, share one common trait that is unmistakable;  the same glazed over, empty blank stare in their eyes.  Unmistakable!   Now, before you accuse me of exaggerated stereotyping,  let me point out that it is a clinical fact that people who suffer from delusional mental disorders almost always display a very distinctive look in their eyes.  And there is no one  more delusional than a Republican!!   I rest my case!

Whenever a company (large or small) puts you on their payroll they believe they own your very soul.  You are now bought and paid for.  Typically,  to an employer you’re nothing more than a number.  In their minds you were born into this world ONLY to perform whatever silly, trivial tasks they need completed.  Surely no one is so naive as to think they actually are “valued” as a human being by their employer?  And, of course,  if  they do not like the way you perform their silly, trivial tasks, they’ll  find another number to replace you.   Its almost humorous (in a grotesque sort of way) how companies demand the utmost loyalty and honesty from their employees,  yet show absolutely no reciprocation of that loyalty and honesty whatsoever.  You exist only for them, and the accomplishment of their silly menial tasks.  After all, they’re paying you, remember?  Therefore,  you owe them your life.  That’s the reality of being a hired hand,  an employee of a company.  If you think not, then you are truly fooling yourself.

I’ve known many people who worked nearly their entire lives for one company or another only to be let go because of “downsizing”, or “efficiency ratings”, or some other BS nonsense.   Some of them were let go without warning or notice.  Oh, but companies have the nerve to DEMAND that they are given at least two weeks notice before an employee quits his or her position.  What a joke!   Oh, but wait… they’re paying you, remember?

Most bosses are ego maniacal idiots, drunk on the power of authority.   They secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) enjoy making employees jump through hoops when they bark out an order.  They enjoy feeling the Godly power of life and death they wield in the work environment.  They may be nobody in the real world,  they may feel powerless outside the office, but inside those four walls they are King Kong.   And if you don’t like the selfish, cold, uncaring, inhuman way your boss treats you, well,  just remember….. they’re paying you.

And the subject of pay is a perfect example of just how “loyal” and “honest” a company is to its employees.   A long time ago, employees of all types were paid on a weekly basis.  At the end of the work week, you received your pay for the total hours worked that week.  Then, companies discovered something very interesting.  They discovered that by paying their employees, whom remember, they DEMAND the utmost honesty and loyalty from,  on the 1st and 15th of every month,  at the end of the year the employee will have unknowingly worked for approximately 2 weeks without pay!   Oh, how “loyal and honest” of all of these dirt bag companies to do such a thing to their trusted employees.

So remember, if a company wants to treat you like a meaningless number, well hey, they have that right, don’t they?  After all,  we were all born for  ONLY one reason;  to work for the company and ensure that they accomplish their oh so important bottom line, right?

Oh wait, and remember…..they’re paying you.

MITSUBISHI LANCER.   Yep, if you make enough goofy TV commercials with young actors getting  excited  over this supposedly “sporty” 4 door compact as if it were a Ferrari, then sure enough,  young car buyers will actually believe that it IS  “sporty”!  In reality,  this ugly,  boxy, very average looking blob of metal is anything  BUT sporty.   Classic car enthusiasts get nauseous just looking at it.

CHEVY AVALANCHE.   All  SUV’s and trucks are butt ugly, but this ridiculous looking hunk of crap is the epitome of ugly.  This  machine should be in the dictionary as the definition of ugly.  How can anyone look at this thing and say “duh, I’ll pay 30 grand for that”?.

DODGE CHARGER.  This  attempt to re-introduce a muscle car classic is one of the most pathetic examples of today’s style challenged era.  The original Charger was a sleek,  sexy,  rocket shaped 2 door sport coupe,  NOT a bulky, square,  ugly,  boxy,  4 door hunk of non- sporty crap!  Even the deluxe  R/T model is a joke,  despite its racing inspired paint scheme, rear spoiler,  and 20 inch rims.  Just plain ugly and stupid.

HUMMER.  Two words sum up this vehicle perfectly: Ugly and stupid.  And two words sum up the people who want to own one:  Bad taste.  Anyone who finds this pile of crap appealing should not be allowed to vote, buy recorded music, or do anything else that requires good taste and good judgment.  And no, the giant, cheesy chrome rims DO NOT make this joke any more attractive, “sporty”, or appealing.   S-T-U-P-I-D.

TOYOTA COROLLA.  Yeah, its a “sensible” car.  People who want economical affordability flock to car lots to buy not only this bland, styleless, boring vehicle, but approximately one zillion other similar looking bland, boring “sensible” cars just like it.  Everywhere you go these days,  “sensible”, ugly,  unattractive, bland,  boring  cars like the Corolla infest the roadways, driven by people who just don’t realize (or worse,  just don’t care) that for about the same money they could’ve actually purchased something that looks good.  What’s worse is the fact that while drivers of truly beautiful machines like Corvettes are required to pay outrageous insurance rates, all based on the assumption that a racy sports car means speeding and accidents,  it is always,  I repeat,  ALWAYS cars like the Corolla that I see piled up in intersections every time I drive past an accident scene!   And usually,  it’s an SUV who has collided with them!  I have yet to witness two Corvettes in a deadly bumper embrace ANYWHERE!   In fact,  I have NEVER,  EVER seen a Corvette wrecked along the road in my entire life!  Always the “sensible” drivers in their silly little  “safe” 4 cylinder cars who don’t seem to know the difference between green and red, and yet pay  lower insurance rates because,  hey, they drive a ” safe, sensible car”, right?   Excuse me while I puke!

PICK UP TRUCKS (all of ‘em!) No list of stupid looking vehicles would be complete without including the “Redneck Cadillac” itself, the pick up truck.   Pick ups enjoyed surging sales numbers over the last two decades,  coinciding precisely with the increased popularity of country music and the plummeting  I.Q.  of the American public over the same period.  Hmmm,  coincidence?  I’ve lost count of how many “Touch my truck and I’ll shoot” bumper stickers I’ve seen over the years, and the fact that most (if not all) pick up drivers are staunch conservatives goes without saying.  The most ridiculous trend of late is the “sporting up”  of pick ups with hood scoops, chrome rims, rear spoilers,  and other assorted racing accessories.   IT’S A TRUCK,  YOU MORONS!  I don’t care how fast it will go,  IT’S A FRIGGIN’ TRUCK AND IT LOOKS RIDICULOUS!!  Also, it seems to be a scientific fact that pick ups will not run properly unless the driver is wearing a baseball cap, either frontwards  or backwards.  This important discovery was apparently  made by rednecks many decades ago, which explains why nearly every goofball you see driving a pick up is wearing a cap.  Either that or the cap is necessary to hold the driver’s pea sized brain in place.  Whatever the case,  pick ups have one purpose, and one purpose only, and that is to haul things.  It’s a work vehicle.   It’s not a Cadillac,  it’s not a hot rod,   and it sure as hell does not make it’s driver more “manly” , “macho”, or the king of the road.   Sorry rednecks.

If you would like to tell the geniuses at Gatorade what you think about the addition of High Fructose Corn Syrup to Propel “Fitness” Water,  copy this address into your browser and go to their home page:

http://www.gatorade.com/

(NOTE: pictured is the old Propel bottle)