Posts Tagged 'Automobile Industry'

UGLY WHEELS AND BAD TASTE: TRANSPORTATION IN THE MODERN WORLD

The car you drive is like the clothes you wear;  it says a lot about you.  While the general public’s love affair with the automobile is nothing new, past generations had the good fortune of being car buyers during the heyday of such legendary classics as the 57 Thunderbird,  66 Mustang,  1960 Cadillac Eldorado,  or the 1967 Corvette Stingray, to name a few.    Unfortunately, attractive styling in automobile design is something that went the way of the dinosaur many years ago.   Today, consumers plop down more than three times the new list price of one of those classics to buy one of today’s many styleless ugly vehicles.  I’m amazed every time I see a new car commercial for some ugly new generic vehicle in which hired actors gawk and fawn over a completely unappealing, unattractive, ugly car in an attempt to “convince” the public that the car is irresistibly desirable.   And the nauseating result is people with REALLY bad taste actually go out and buy these ugly hunks of crap!  The following is only a partial list of the most ugly vehicles on the roadways today.

mitsubishi-lancer-2-lg MITSUBISHI LANCER.   Yep, if you make enough goofy TV commercials with young actors getting  excited  over this supposedly “sporty” 4 door compact as if it were a Ferrari, then sure enough,  young car buyers will actually believe that it IS  “sporty”!  In reality,  this ugly,  boxy, very average looking blob of metal is anything  BUT sporty.   Classic car enthusiasts get nauseous just looking at it.

chevrolet-avalancheCHEVY AVALANCHE.   All  SUV’s and trucks are butt ugly, but this ridiculous looking hunk of crap is the epitome of ugly.  This  machine should be in the dictionary as the definition of ugly.  How can anyone look at this thing and say “duh, I’ll pay 30 grand for that”?.

dodge-charger-10

DODGE CHARGER.  This  attempt to re-introduce a muscle car classic is one of the most pathetic examples of today’s style challenged era.  The original Charger was a sleek,  sexy,  rocket shaped 2 door sport coupe,  NOT a bulky, square,  ugly,  boxy,  4 door hunk of non- sporty crap!  Even the deluxe  R/T model is a joke,  despite its racing inspired paint scheme, rear spoiler,  and 20 inch rims.  Just plain ugly and stupid.

hummer-h2-7HUMMER.  Two words sum up this vehicle perfectly: Ugly and stupid.  And two words sum up the people who want to own one:  Bad taste.  Anyone who finds this pile of crap appealing should not be allowed to vote, buy recorded music, or do anything else that requires good taste and good judgment.  And no, the giant, cheesy chrome rims DO NOT make this joke any more attractive, “sporty”, or appealing.   S-T-U-P-I-D.

2008_toyota_corolla_leTOYOTA COROLLA.  Yeah, its a “sensible” car.  People who want economical affordability flock to car lots to buy not only this bland, styleless, boring vehicle, but approximately one zillion other similar looking bland, boring “sensible” cars just like it.  Everywhere you go these days,  “sensible”, ugly,  unattractive, bland,  boring  cars like the Corolla infest the roadways, driven by people who just don’t realize (or worse,  just don’t care) that for about the same money they could’ve actually purchased something that looks good.  What’s worse is the fact that while drivers of truly beautiful machines like Corvettes are required to pay outrageous insurance rates, all based on the assumption that a racy sports car means speeding and accidents,  it is always,  I repeat,  ALWAYS cars like the Corolla that I see piled up in intersections every time I drive past an accident scene!   And usually,  it’s an SUV who has collided with them!  I have yet to witness two Corvettes in a deadly bumper embrace ANYWHERE!   In fact,  I have NEVER,  EVER seen a Corvette wrecked along the road in my entire life!  Always the “sensible” drivers in their silly little  “safe” 4 cylinder cars who don’t seem to know the difference between green and red, and yet pay  lower insurance rates because,  hey, they drive a ” safe, sensible car”, right?   Excuse me while I puke!

2008_chevyPICK UP TRUCKS (all of ’em!) No list of stupid looking vehicles would be complete without including the “Redneck Cadillac” itself, the pick up truck.   Pick ups enjoyed surging sales numbers over the last two decades,  coinciding precisely with the increased popularity of country music and the plummeting  I.Q.  of the American public over the same period.  Hmmm,  coincidence?  I’ve lost count of how many “Touch my truck and I’ll shoot” bumper stickers I’ve seen over the years, and the fact that most (if not all) pick up drivers are staunch conservatives goes without saying.  The most ridiculous trend of late is the “sporting up”  of pick ups with hood scoops, chrome rims, rear spoilers,  and other assorted racing accessories.   IT’S A TRUCK,  YOU MORONS!  I don’t care how fast it will go,  IT’S A FRIGGIN’ TRUCK AND IT LOOKS RIDICULOUS!!  Also, it seems to be a scientific fact that pick ups will not run properly unless the driver is wearing a baseball cap, either frontwards  or backwards.  This important discovery was apparently  made by rednecks many decades ago, which explains why nearly every goofball you see driving a pick up is wearing a cap.  Either that or the cap is necessary to hold the driver’s pea sized brain in place.  Whatever the case,  pick ups have one purpose, and one purpose only, and that is to haul things.  It’s a work vehicle.   It’s not a Cadillac,  it’s not a hot rod,   and it sure as hell does not make it’s driver more “manly” , “macho”, or the king of the road.   Sorry rednecks.


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"All the knowledge in the world is of no use to fools"
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If morons could fly, the skies over America would be pitch black!

The 3 lowest forms of life (in order of intelligence)

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